Staying in Integrity with your Self while Dating

Can’t see the video above? Click here to watch it on YouTube.

I remember having dinner with a friend in January, and telling her quite clearly that I knew it would be end of February when I was ready to start dating again. She looked at me with concern, not understanding why I wouldn’t just start immediately, but as a business owner, I had other things on my plate and knew I wasn’t ready to be fully open and ready for it.

Beyond the realities, that I was completely pre-occupied with two new ecourses, speaking, traveling, and in an intense 8-day training* over the next month, it was almost like I intuitively knew I would be ready at the end of February. I really didn’t know much more than that then, but looking back I see now how beautifully the next month guided me; showing me relationships that inspired me and introducing me to people who shared their dating success stories.

The cool part, however, was seeing what happened when I made the shift. All of a sudden it was like a switch turned on, and I started meeting new, amazing men left and right. Some not so amazing (or a right fit), of course, but just watching the shift from my being ready to what then showed up in my life was really incredible (and is still proving to be!!).

However in the beginning, I realized when I jumped back into it, I still had some aligning to do… within myself. I found that, while the men I was finding were close, I was still seeing old patterns happening, and I was committed to seeing and untangling those patterns in order to magnetize the man and relationship I desire. The root of this not focusing solely on who I wanted to attract, but who *I* wanted to be in a relationship. Most importantly really listening to what my needs are, and being willing to stay true and communicate them, even when it can be tempting to sacrifice them for the enticing lure of love, acceptance and connection. I had to be willing to be vulnerable and courageous enough to really listen and speak my needs.

In summary, the question I was asking myself was something like:
How can I stay in integrity with who I am, what I want, and who I want to be in this life, as I commit to finding a partner who honors and respects me for that clarity, and is willing to honor and communicate his own truth, needs and desires? Some deep work on all counts there, but I learned so much by having this be my commitment while dating.

One helpful resource in discovering your desires is to explore what your love language(s) are. There is a book, The 5 Love Languages, but you can also go to their website and take an online test! Unrelated, but interestingly enough, I discovered one of my love languages while I was in one of Rachel Cole’s amazing Well-Fed Women Retreats (I went to one in 2012) where she asks the powerful question, “What are you truly hungry for?” Rachel is also one of our esteemed contributors in our ReConnect eCourse, and its awesome to watch women so deeply impacted by this truth-seeking question.

Conscious Loving
*The intensive 8-Day training I mentioned completing in February of this year was Gay & Katie Hendrick’s 3-Day Conscious Loving and Living Essentials and their 5-Day Conscious Living Advanced Training. Note: they offer a Conscious Living Special for both.

This training was absolutely life changing for me, and I cannot recommend it highly enough for everyone (not just coaches, therapists, etc)! Gay & Katie are absolute pioneers in their fields, in particular the field of love & relationships, conscious breathing, body-centered therapy, and working in your zone of genius. It was SUCH an honor to learn from them.

This training is also where I met so many amazing new friends, including the lovely and wise Elizabeth Hunter, who I reference in the video above. She’s given me her permission to share that she and her partner have been happily together now for over a year!

I also met a very inspiring couple, named Brendan & Juna, who publish a weekly video to their site, Daily Relationship. Absolutely gorgeous individuals, sharing incredible guidance as they walk their path! Truly honored to know this dynamic and heart-centered couple.

Incredible what transformational work and intention can create, isn’t it?

Here’s a summary of a few books I recommend:

How about you?
What has been your experience dating and finding the love you desire?

Where might you be not listening to your gut, desires or needs when it comes to dating & relationships? Is there room for growth there, or did anything hit home for you in this post & video?

I’d love to hear from you in the comments.

Here’s wishing you all the very best in happiness, love & success!

Leave a Reply 1 comment

Coco - December 7, 2013 Reply

I just bought Undefended Love, thanks for the recommendation. A friend gave me the book Getting The Love You Want a couple of years back as a birthday gift. I recommend it whether you are single or married. Very insightful book.

Leave a Reply: