This is not about working hard. More importantly, this is not about listening to the f*cking brutal voice in my head that insists I’m not working hard enough or fast enough, and that it’s all my fault.
To that voice today, I say: f*ck you.
I’m onto you. And guess what: this life? This life – MY life – isn’t about working HARD. And it sure as hell isn’t one that will be burdened day-in and day-out by a slave-driving inner critic that – while trying to protect me and make sure I survive, I get it – makes me feel like I’m a caged animal in the circus, fearful of the lion tamer’s whip.
This is not about putting on a façade that I live a joyful, easeful, creative life. This is about really, fully and completely LOVING and reveling in everything I do.
This is about CHOOSING.
This is not about looking elsewhere for validation of my worth, or my value. This is about holding my creative spark, and bright light, like a wide-eyed newborn. Fully present and perfect just the way she is. Allowing time, and expectations, and all the bullsh*t of ‘shoulds’ and ‘have-to’s’ and ‘not-enoughs’ to take a f*cking hike already.
This is about staying awake. Listening closely to the whisper within, and to allow the dogs to bark loud with force when intruders attempts to disturb this land.
This is my land. My life. My canvas. My days, my weeks, my months, my years.
And you know what? This creative life I so desire, and my ability to set my schedule, create opportunities and make a living doing what I love – it’s already happening.
Right here. Right now.
This isn’t about someplace I need to get to. This isn’t about needing to figure out the perfect formula or the ‘best’ way to do it right and really have it.
This is about realizing that right here and now you’re in it. That right here and now – in the noticing; in the eyes-wide-open-taking-it-all-in; all the beautiful colors and joy and sorrow and delight of this awesome life before me – that this is it. That THIS is what it’s all about.
So what do I really want to tell you?
Sometimes I spin my wheels, just like everybody else.
Sometimes I’m paralyzed with fear just like everybody else.
Sometimes I need to be reminded that I am okay… and that who I am and what I’m doing is as awesome as I hope it is.
Sometimes I need to hear “you can do this.”
And that too is part of my fierce declaration. My fierce declaration that says it’s okay. It’s okay to feel vulnerable, and scared, and it’s especially okay to say f*ck you to those voices inside that want you to believe you can’t do it.
Because this life? This one is worth living.
It’s worth standing up tall and making your voice be heard.
Living the life that YOU want to live, on YOUR terms.
What’s your fierce declaration?
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I wrote this piece during Wild Writing today; a writing group I have been a part of every Monday (minus a few weeks here & there) since September 2012. Every week Laurie reads us a poem, and we get a few lines to jump off from… and then we fast & furiously free-write. This one was inspired by a poem called “About Flying” by Julia Geanie Moore.
p.s. For those of you who love this mug, you can buy it online here.