I feel like I’m needing LOTS of ‘me’ time these days. Like, an unusual amount, for how much I love being out and about, meeting new people and spending time with my friends.
This is hard when there are SO many things out there I want to do! Amongst my dear friends, here in SF, there always seems to be a few weekly gatherings, celebrating birthdays, engagements, new jobs or funding/acquisitions, housewarmings and the list goes on. I feel incredibly blessed to have such an awesome network of friends here.
However, making space for me, and all that I want to accomplish – no, scratch that… it’s not about doing, or accomplishing, it’s about making space to just BE – can be challenging in the face of all the fun ‘out there.’ I mean, I don’t want to become a hermit that never sees anyone (trust me, that will never happen, as after a few days I get antsy and really excited to see people again), or worse, have people stop inviting me or asking me to go out… but right now, as I recommit to my Self and my art, it’s so incredibly key for me to give myself the time and space. It’s like an unraveling of sorts, and it takes the time to unravel, unravel, unravel and then all of a sudden I hit that flow, like a geyser!
I have been doing this more in the last month, but most notably last weekend, over New Year’s. I feel like I’m facing similar challenges to those who have started AA, where all of a sudden the girl — who was once known as the life of the party, shutting down the bars & totally up for the after party — is now someone that texts the night of and says, “Sorry, staying in after all.” I try to give myself the benefit of the doubt that I’ll feel like going out, but it’s almost as if when I have plans to be somewhere, inspiration hits.
Even if inspiration hasn’t hit, per say, I often feel like I’m close. Meaning, I’ve finally cleared away the emails, sent all of the emails, made the phone calls, completed time-sensitive tasks for the day and finally have some space for the rest. Which, some days, simply means eating a meal, or doing my 30 days of yoga session, or taking a shower and relaxing by reading a book or writing a blog post (like I’m doing now). Most days “the rest” is actually all the other gazillion things on my list I didn’t do that day (or the day/week/month before) and REALLY want to get to. And I’m excited about getting to them! By doing so, I clear the space. I move forward. I check things off my list one-by-one and get to move on to the next exciting thing moving me closer to my goals. Honestly, sometimes finally getting to the smallest little thing on my list, that I have been wanting to do for months, happens when I’m “supposed” to be at a happy hour or a friend’s birthday. I’m sorry, dear friends!
Even more so in alignment with those in a rehab program (not at all to make light of that situation), I’ve not really felt like drinking or partying these days. And yes, I know I can still go out without drinking, I just haven’t been feeling all that social. I’m percolating. Baking. Incubating. Something. (No, I’m not pregnant.) That said, I also know my tendencies to be a workaholic, so in all of this making space and hermiting in, my true intention is around self-care. To not just work-work-work, but to create space to sit on my couch and read. Or listen to music as I dance around and water the plants and play with my kitty. All the things I’ve often daydreamily wished I could be doing when I’m super stressed and strapped for time. Sounds pretty divine, right?
So, apologies aside, that’s why you haven’t seen me much lately. Funny thing is most probably hadn’t even noticed, because I think it’s harder on me to say no, than it is for all the people out partying it up to notice I’m not around. Maybe not (still miss me and invite me out to do things, ok?), but regardless it’s all good. It’s just right now, and I am really, really enjoying it.
I wish you all clarity, happiness and balance in your lives. <3